thirteen.

how to fall in love part 2

by FLB

you know the l’artisan perfume sample from the detective novelist/perfume goddess
the one she sent to you when that man took his keys and left?
spray it on your neck
the next day you will smell something in the shower
like pastry?
lilies?
love
and try to understand
what could smell that good

you will discover to your delight
that it is you

ask your friends if you should buy crushed pink velvet creepers
like the ones you had when you were twenty
they will say, yes
hide the shoes in your closet
when your daughter discovers them and shouts that you are much too old
tell her calmly that you are going to wear them anyway

have the doctor rub your feet
tell him you’re afraid
the man you just met might be scared
of your impending surgery
listen when the big man with the baby face
who rubs your injured feet
tells you this is just a test
to see if that guy is right

go to lunch with your brother from another mother
listen when he tells you that he and you are just the same
look at him, his hair obsidian
beneath the knit cap for protection
his mysterious tattoos
his powerful hands
his kind and brilliant mind
take in what he says

make dinner for the architect
salmon and butternut squash soup
apple crumble
make a playlist
arcade fire, black keys, silversun
light some candles and wear something soft
ask questions, listen to him talk
tell him about you
watch how he reacts
maybe let him sleep
over in your bed
the one you bought when your mother died
only two other men have slept in it with you
make sure this one’s worth it

in the morning
maybe he’ll go with you
to the memorial
for the woman who played your alter ego in chicago
fifteen years ago
and died of cancer just last month

***

aphorism

by LB

i’ve been told
to loosen my grip
let go
remain calm
breathe deep
surrender
have faith
keep the faith
trust a higher power
release to the universe
allow
tap into gratitude
manifest the positive
post affirmations
i’ve been told
over and over and over and over and over
again
i hear myself tell my children
my husband
my friends
my dog
over and over and over and over and over
again
the very same,
but between you and me:
i’m
very
stuck
in
the
no
current.

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