fourteen.

the need to see
my words in print
real live print
black and white
on sweet-smelling paper
in my hands
the need is
devouring me
is it the ego?
the dream?
and why does it
haunt my brain
until i can’t cook
tofu meatballs
without stopping
and saying an
affirmation out loud
that someone will
believe in me
as much as i do?
why does it hurt
physically
to want something
so badly?
and how are we
supposed to learn
how to release
to the universe
and trust
when we are just
lowly human beings
without any practice
or real guidance?
how do you
keep the faith
in an energy
you cannot touch
(like your printed pages)
you cannot hear
(like the written words)
you cannot love
(like the man
with the thumping red heart
against your cheek)
?

– LB

***

best friend

by FLB

we only want things that deeply
with that solar plexus pain
with that gut gnarling ache
when they are true and pure
our heart’s desire
not our ego’s calling
they are what we are born for
they are our destiny
just like our children
were born to us
and before they came
we yearned
and when they came
it was as if they had always been

as much as she believes
that i will be loved
(she believes this effortlessly, without needing affirmations or prayer, as easily as if it has already occurred)
that is how much i believe
that she will be printed
and read
and loved

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