i’m baking chocolate chip cookies
and using real butter
not earth balance
not coconut oil
i bought a big carton of regular ol butter
and i licked the knife
when i sliced it open
i’m scooping out extra sugar too
dark dark brown
and crystalline white
i’m going to eat so much dough
i probably won’t eat the cookies
my heart hurts
and my soul hurts
and my mouth wants this treat so badly
and my son should have some real cookies
for a change
and you know what else i bought?
milk
for both of us.

(now the trick is not feeling guilty
not guilty about the butter
the sugar overload
the cow
even though everything is organic
i know that doesn’t matter
not guilty about inhumane treatment
of animals
not guilty that i haven’t workout out
so do i really deserve it
not guilty about any of it
i’m just going to eat the fucking cookies
and try to live)

– LB

***

real butter is actually better for us i think
let’s eat butter
let’s watch scary movies
let’s sleep in
let’s stay in bed reading and eating and not exercise for three days straight (oh my!)
let’s adopt a puppy from the shelter
let’s let our kids watch too much TV
let’s dance to our favorite guilty pleasure songs
let’s share a bottle of wine
let’s make everyone in the world
write a poem a day for one month

– FLB