failure

this is why i’m a failure
because i didn’t feed my dog
i forgot
for 2 days
maybe 3
we live on an avocado orchard
and he’s fat
and eats so much fallen fruit all the time
but maybe not yesterday
because yesterday he went through the trash
and got the bag of dirty diapers
opened it
and ate everything
the piss
the shit
the old, foamy plastic insides
and then left the remains for me to clean
as a big fuck you
as a big thank you for forgetting I
even exist

i’m a failure because today
my son is sick
has been all week with 102 fevers
he hasn’t wanted to eat anything
nothing
not avocados
not even pretzels, his favorite
he just cries and throws mean tantrums
and has droopy eyes
and today
today
today
he punched me in the face
as hard as he could
because i wouldn’t give him a candy cane
because he didn’t eat the sandwich i made
it sat on the couch with his green race car
untouched

and i can’t blame him
or my dog.

–LB

How’s your eye?
What’s this rash?
Do you know you have it?
Does that indentation in your chest bother you?
Why do all your joints hurt?
Is the other shoulder freezing now?
Why did you get foot surgery?
My mortgage balance comes due in 20 years “if I’m around that long”
She laughed and I was the one who had to correct myself to “when”
Her eyes narrowed
at the red patch on my temple
my receding hairline and sagging belly skin

Maybe it’s all about her
But she has shiny hair
strong shoulders
healthy joints
an adoring husband
tourmaline green eyes that see

So it’s hard to believe
the failure
isn’t mine

— FLB