today

by lilly barels

there’s a haze over my eyes
thicker than water
i’m alone and i can’t see.
the mountains watch
the trees loiter
the dogs stare
the wildflowers laugh.
i can feel it
i can feel each vibration
of judgment,
but i can’t see.

when i try to tell you
about the fear,
you walk away
fly away
because it’s never enough
to stay right here
to do what you promised.
it’s easier to flit about,
unable to land.

and here i am waiting
blind
desperate for you
to come home
desperate for you
to stay far, far away.